This week was a garden of concepts blossoming to fruition – I, along with the help of my invaluable other halves, welcomed a UFC champ with Celebrity Cake Studio, watched the Rainiers launch what is sure to be their best season yet, continued transforming a dull office space into a brand-building work of art, gathered local women to raise money for a good cause, introduced our newest photo intern to the team and cuddled my sick boy back to his energetic eight-year-old self. After all the run-around designing, coordinating and prioritizing, the day came and went. Some were great and some not so good, some anticipated and some fairly unexpected. But whether it’s an unhealthy child or a grand opening event, the ups and downs keep us moving and eventually life returns to a fairly menial pace as the lights go down, we cleanup and settle in with our reflections.
Was the day a success? Were everyone’s needs met? What did they really think? Was I the best version of myself? What can I do better next time? Even during those stretches where one thing seems to move organically to the next, emotions can hijack us and lead us down a dark chute straight to our den of dragons. Yes, I said dragons. I’m not much for fantasy and science fiction but I can’t help characterizing my emotional tug of war and sometimes creeping negativity as a malicious, fire-breathing amphibian. It’s a seemingly overwhelming presence from an enemy that could ultimately spell my demise. It would be the worst way to go – “Bobbie Bailey, engulfed by her own dragon of self-doubt.”
The largest of dragons are fed and fattened by our own hand when we succumb to that negativity. Once these thoughts have the freedom and fuel to grow beyond measure, the harder it becomes to see past the ugly beast to our true strengths and accomplishments. We become hijacked, even brain washed. Daniel Goleman first introduced the concept under the term Amygdala Hijack and described it in his 1996 book Emotional Intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ. He wrote, “[e]motions make us pay attention right now — this is urgent – and gives us an immediate action plan without having to think twice. The emotional component evolved very early: Do I eat it, or does it eat me?” The emotional response “can take over the rest of the brain in a millisecond if threatened.”
Sure an emotional hijacking can be a positive experience as well. For example, when our joy brings us to tears or throws us into a fit of gut-wrenching laughter. Those hijackings are far more welcomed and treasured in my life, but the counter attacks can be a real threat to my well-being and emotional intelligence.
What is emotional intelligence? The means of recognizing and managing your emotions through awareness, the ability to channel emotions through thinking and problem solving, and ultimately the skill to regulate both your own emotions and the emotions of those around you.
Truth is, our dragons are a part of our human makeup and there really is no way to completely snuff out all threads of negative thought. So how do we survive in a psychological realm of dungeons and dragons? Rather than denying their existence or expending all your efforts on burying the beast deep into the ground, we can successfully and skillfully tame these wild animals that otherwise so easily run amuck in our minds and spirits. If we’re able to coexist and train our thoughts, we can be more than a dragon slayer, we can ride the demons out and ultimately allow them to take us to a place of enlightenment and more sustainable joy.
With this warrior stance I find myself reconnected to a sense of divine femininity, where I can once again stand tall and shine a light for myself and for others. It’s not always easy but it’s a commitment I’ve made by having two feet firmly planted on solid ground and a consciousness of the powers within and around me. It all allows us to harness our full potential. Don’t be shaken by your fear of outside opinions. Don’t become a prisoner to your own dragons.
The fact of the matter is that a series of success accompanied by a little sickness remind me why I’ve built the life that I have. It’s all in affirmation of my M. This job is something I love, connecting me to people and purposes I believe in and granting me the luxury of cordially bowing out when my family needs me. Even in those times when I know I can’t possibly be two places at once, I can trust that I’m surrounded and supported by an unbreakable team. By keeping those pivotal relationships in the forefront of my mind and cueing in to others, I’m reminded that those closest to me and those who I admire most face very similar dragons. We are not alone! We can not only learn from each other but we can use the support as a magical weapon against our own evils. Suddenly those nasty dragons don’t seem so intimidating after all. It’s the sword that strikes the core of any wicked attempts to steal my happy ending.
Have a great weekend and thank you for visiting my blog. -BB